Wednesday, March 8, 2017

For What It's Worth

I’ve mentioned before that this will be the last year of my blog – well, of this particular blog – because before the end of the year I will not be a 40-something anything. Before I start that chapter of my life, I’m celebrating all that led up to it.

In re-reading my own history here, I found many recurring themes and commentaries – my own philosophies, I suppose (I guess I agree that I’m old enough to say I have them – at least in numerical age. Lol. Thank you, Terry and Amy!). Because of that, this blog is currently being turned into two books; one that will be published before my biggest birthday, and one afterwards (you’ll be hearing more about that one later, during the competition in which it is entered).

When I started this, I had no idea what I was doing with it. I had no plans other than to just write at least somewhat regularly. I wrote about silly things, I wrote about my opinions (are they the same thing?), my feelings, and how I felt about what I was feeling (and how that made me feel). I wrote about my friends, my hair, and my nails. And I exposed myself.

I saw patterns in what I wrote. I have to say there are a few entries that I’m actually proud of. I saw certain themes repeating themselves in many different-yet-connected ways – ideas that I realized I still had much more to say about.  

The book that was going to be a collection of my blogs under the title “The Most of a 40-something Breck Girl” (I couldn’t call it “The Best of”!) has now developed into a collection of essays – same bluntness (crudeness?) and a little less self-indulgence – that show the many levels of connectedness in all of us and in our ‘issues’ that I see.

The other book is more a celebration of age – which is why my birthday is the publication date goal. Age, aging, and ageism are the themes – with my own ridiculous spin on them. I am very excited about turning 50 this year, and still planning a roller-skating party – y’all are invited!

 - Do any of you understand how hard it is for me, THE Birthday Fairy, to share MY big birthday with nearly every single one of my friends? Everyone is turning 50 this year! Jeez!

(^ example of previously mentioned self-indulgence.)

Writing my blog has given me an outlet for expression and has allowed me to tie up a few things for myself. It’s allowed me my own personal validation – as in, “I did it!” In going through the many pages of it I’ve managed to tie together a few things for myself, as well, and got a sense of direction for where to go next.

I talk things out regularly to myself (and to anyone within earshot). That talking (and talking, and talking) and my writing here have brought so many things together for me beautifully.

Comments left here by friends and dissenters (friendly and otherwise), have only added to my happiness with what I’ve done here – for me. Thank you, all of you.

I was actually having a problem with the idea of changing my blog. I love the 40-something Breck Girl, and I was worried about losing her - but I’m not; she is coming with me. My next two books are celebrating the hot mess that she is, a girl that I’m very proud of.

Between now and October, I’ll probably be writing about all of the tie-ins that I saw in my previous blogs and expanding them further (in my own, inimitable way) as a sort of pre-write. First draft?

Or, I may just talk about my hair some more. Working on these two book projects is fun, but I don’t want to lose sight of this moment in preparation for the next. I tend to get carried away - I’m already aware that I feel the need to counteract any ‘seriousness’ in my upcoming books with some type of ridiculousness afterward.

(Which, again, means don’t expect anything of me.)

I have to watch myself with my ‘now and later’ train of thought. This has been a fun ride – but it is still a fun ride. All endings are beginnings are endings are beginnings. As soon as we go down that first hill on the rollercoaster, we are looking at the next one before we even have a chance to catch our breath.

It is a fun ride. All of it. And before I get too carried away on the next lift, I want to stop for a moment and look around me to see and enjoy the faces of those who are on this ride with me, so we can enjoy it all together.

Time to grab the bar.