Morning Coffee and Desolation...Mourning Desolatte?

I’ve been advised
that it’s like playing poker
it’s all a gamble.
Sometimes you win
Sometimes you don’t.

But I’ve played poker before
The thing is
That every time
--every single time--
Before I even sat down to play,

I knew I was invited to a game.

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I’ve grieved before.
I know this feeling
of watching the world carry on
business as usual,
and not feeling a part of it.

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I put away your birthday gift. Though sad that I never got the chance to give it to you I was glad, because I know now it would’ve meant nothing. My own words in the card that I made mocked me; reason, season or lifetime? I guess I have my answer.

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I gave you one less thing to worry about
one less responsibility
though I was low on the list of priorities
more of your time is now free

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The flame throws its warmth
to everyone near
It can live forever
by igniting others.
Or it can die
snuffed immediately by a breeze
that left you wondering where it came from
It can flicker,
slowly dying,
fighting valiantly to hold on to the oxygen
that is now in short supply.
No matter how it’s extinguished,
when it’s gone,
you feel the chill.

**********

You taught me many things
I’ll value those lessons later
But you held back on your best skill
Something I would’ve appreciated sooner
Because right now
I wish I knew
how to be
cold

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Silence was one thing I never expected to get from you
Complete and utter

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