My "Honor" is at Stake

For the second time in three years I have been engaged – or attempted to be engaged – in battle. The first time, my friends were dragged into something that should have only been between me and another, and many attempts were made to paint an ugly picture of me. I remember saying I was surprised that I had my first high school “he said/she said” almost 30 years after I graduated.

I should point out here, that I’m entirely capable (and apparently willing) to make myself look bad on my own. Ask anyone who knows me. Better yet, go back and read through my blog; it’s not all sunshine.

This time, the attack was even more vicious and more personal, and very detailed; it will affect my whole family, too. War was officially declared (in writing), along with a threat of “My mind, my time, my wealth aimed at YOU. Get ready!”

Because I’m an idiot, my first thought was to be flattered that little old me could ever deserve such attention. (Of course, I would probably appreciate a promise like that more if it came from a significant other.)

Then, I thought, Wow. That’s a real threat. I don’t think I ever expected to get one in my life. At least, not since high school.

I guess I’m a late bloomer.

Could this person hurt me and my family?

I suppose. Maybe. Yes. No. All of the above. That person has enough free time and considerable resources, so I guess if the desire is there it is possible to cause some trouble, at the very least.

What could happen to me?

·         My reputation could be ruined? Been there; done that.

·         Could I be financially ruined? It'd be hard to break down something that was never there.

·         Would another wedge be driven into my family? I’m Sicilian; we do wedges better than lettuce and Dr. Scholl’s combined.  

·         Is it possible that this person could ruin my attempts at fulfilling my dreams? There is the possibility of certain blockages, due to this person’s resources; however, I write (basically) because I like to talk – and no one can shut me up. Ask anyone who knows me.

I guess all that’s left is my honor. So, I guess that is what is at stake.

That’s a funny line, isn’t it? “My honor is at stake.”  What is honor? High respect? Esteem?

What it boils down to is that someone could say something about me in an attempt to make others lose respect for me. What THAT boils down to is whether or not someone else’s opinion of me matters. I don’t say that in belligerence, and I certainly don’t deny that my feelings could get hurt; what I am saying is that I have the right to only be concerned with what I think of myself. Everyone has that right.

What do I think of me?

For answers, I went to the family closet and danced with a few of the skeletons kept there. I found quite a few that I would probably be happier if they stayed where they were, and not publicized in gory, Technicolor detail.

Wow. There are more than I thought.

(No. I didn’t murder anyone, nor do I have any plans to.)

But, boy! Did I do some stupid shit! Of course, I don’t believe I could have gone a full 48 and a half years without amassing a pile, right?

This particular theme of worrying what others think/judgment had already been half-formed in my head this past month. It’s actually one of my ongoing themes that I've touched on a few times.  My original title was going to be “Mary Poppins or Phil Collins?” Mary Poppins (in Disney’s movie) had a great line that she delivered in a no-nonsense and friendly manner in response to her actions being questioned: “I never explain anything.” That stuck with me; I always wished I could be like that. Phil Collins sang, “I don’t care what you say.” We can all relate to that.

I’m not Mary Poppins, but I’m not Phil Collins; I’m somewhere in between. I don’t yet have Mary Poppins’ self-empowered confidence, and Phil’s not caring was too extreme in the other direction, because I hear defeat in that song. I can relate to the in-your-face not caring, in the surrender of leaving others to their own thoughts, opinions, and actions – not in defeat, but in the letting go of what truly doesn’t matter. What others say and think about me does not prevent me from getting up in the morning and going about my life and trying to do the best I can with what I have.

So, what do I think about me? Oh, I’m an idiot. I’ve been childish, selfish, mean, pathetic, stupid, ridiculous, hurtful, snide, lazy, messy … I could probably go through the alphabet at least three times (and all of the seven dwarfs).

I’m also not as insecure as I used to be. I’m happier than I used to be. I’m learning more than ever, and that’s allowed me to appreciate more. I even get proud of myself once in a while. (Yay, me.)

Would a smear campaign take any of that away? No.

I would probably be embarrassed, though.

Why?

Why, indeed? Because I’ve done things people wouldn’t have expected me to do? Because I’ve surprised someone else – or, better yet, because I’ve disappointed someone?

Humiliation needs to be accepted. If I feel ashamed for something I’ve done, that is on me. Am I proud of everything I’ve done? Of course not. (Sometimes, I even try not to repeat the same mistakes over and over.)  If I let someone make me feel humiliated, that is on me, too.  For me to accept humiliation, I would have to believe that another person has more value than I do, and if I’ve learned one thing, it is that I am just as wonderful as you are - and in the funny vein of paradox, I probably learned that by doing something wrong or stupid.

A while back I wrote about feeling like a fraud here. I’d received some very nice feedback on some of the things I’d written and it made me uncomfortable because I don’t have my shit together. But then I realized that I write about what I feel and what I am learning and what is of value to me. I write for me first. If by my example – good or bad – someone else finds benefit, support, or an idea of what not to do, then that is a bonus, but not the prime objective. I’m not here to tell anyone what to do.  I was never good at measuring up to anyone else’s yardstick, and I realized it’s a waste of time to try. If each day I can do one thing better, nicer, or smarter than I did the day before, then I can be happy with myself, no matter what anyone thinks. We all can.

I’m not trying to be brave. I’m not trying to amass an army in my defense. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done. Good, bad, or otherwise.  I’m being real. I try to be better each day. I voice my opinions, relevant or not.  I talk about sunshine, love, connections – about what I would like to achieve, what I aspire to.

And I still do stupid shit. You’ll probably hear about that, too (or see it on Facebook).

Do I argue? Some would say incessantly. (Again, ask anyone who knows me.)

Will I go to war?

No.

I have other things in life more valuable than my honor. I’m not always right, but I’m learning to be right with me.

Who knows? I might even learn more from this.

Then,

I win.

All Truths are True

I know this much is true (you’re singing that now, aren’t you?):

All of it.

It’s all true, every last bit of it.

What is Truth?

Truth is what is real and accurate for a person. The truth is our beliefs based on how we feel about something. We learn what we believe by how we feel about something. Emotions are the biggest indicators of our own beliefs. A negative emotion shows us what is in discord with how we believe, and positive emotions reveal what resonates with us.

What is true for one person is not always the same as what is true for another. There is more than one way to skin a cat. There is also more than one way to make a soup, express emotion, write a song, paint a picture … live a life.

Some writers swear by writing out their thoughts in pen and paper, other writers say they organize their thoughts better on a computer, and still others get inspired only when using a typewriter. A person can believe his or her life is worthless even while others see value and potential – but whose beliefs will that person react on, ultimately, when they feel a decision needs to be made? A jealous spouse can ruin a marriage even if his or her partner is faithful; a woman who believes her man is cheating or will cheat will treat him with distrust – if she believes he’s a cheater,  even if he’s not it will still be true for her (and vice versa). Catholicism is divided on gender issues, yet all Catholics believe in the same God. Look at how many other religions there are, worshipping different Gods, with different rituals.

The common denominator is the human factor. In that, we are all the same. We all came from the same place, whether you believe God, Allah, or Darwin. We started the same but live in different expressions of what is true for ourselves.

Our biggest problem is that we feel the need to enforce what is true for us on others as if it should be true for them as well.

Our allowances and tolerances for other’s truths are incomplete; we only allow another person his or her own Truth only so far. True allowance and tolerance need to extend as far out as the possibility of something. Anything that can be thought of can be true. Anything that gives us that inner feeling of “YES!” or “NO!” is what determines our Truth, and our actions in accordance with it.

Yet we still feel the need to tell people what the Truth is. We allow others little opinions but assume we have the right to make their bigger decisions. We encourage “thinking outside of the box” in problem-solving. We are allowed to think outside of the box, but not live outside of the box? Where’s the sense there? At the same time, we resent those who try to enforce their truths on us.

Every coin has two sides, and it’s the combination of both sides that make the coin. There is no coin if there is only one side; this validates the existence of both sides. Both sides are ‘right’. All Truths are true because they are the basis for our actions.

We act as if we are afraid to let people be themselves, thinking that harmony can only be achieved if we are all thinking, doing, and being the same. Then, we criticize schools for their standardized testing methods that supposedly judge intelligence and aptitude but don’t account for differences in people. Then we preach of Creators who would build a world of polarity and ‘test’ all of it the same?

Yes.

However you believe we were created, we were created with differences, and we know what works best for us. Let your emotions guide you to your beliefs and see what you follow/react to. If you don’t like something you find, you can change it, but be only who you know you are. Search for the “YES!” in your soul. That is what is true.

What makes a street a one-way street?

The sign.

Everyone knows it is possible to drive the other way; and it’s the possibility/reality of another way that makes that other way the Truth, also, despite the sign that someone else put up.

You can go your own way.

(You’re singing that now, too, aren’t you?)

(Em)Powering the World

Most of us don't care about how electricity works or how it gets into our houses; we only care that something turns on or off when we hit a switch. We live much like that in the world, too; we don't fully understand the dynamics of what makes the world go 'round, but we expect it to spin.

(Cue The Stylistics:) People make the world go 'round. We 'power' the world; all of us, together. What most of us consider to be total chaos is a carefully orchestrated system that we can't fathom because of our limited view. We look at people, incidents and events as isolated unto themselves with no necessary part of the bigger picture.

Let's bring that thought down to scale:

                                         (photo courtesy of Eric Rasmussen)

This is an electrical panel. To most of us without the necessary knowledge (read: overview or higher perspective) of electricity, this is just a jumble of wires. Different colors and sizes heading in different directions. Chaos.

The skilled electrician can look at one of these panels and read the status of its functionality by being able to observe correct (and incorrect) wiring and connections.

One of these panels can be enough to power a house. A larger house or building may require more than one panel or added subpanels to provide more circuits.

We are like the wires in the panel. We are different sizes, colors, and gauges, and specific to our function in what we give our power to. None of the wires in the panel are insignificant; even the seemingly smallest wire can cause damage to the panel if wired in incorrectly or attached to the wrong circuit. Our power comes from one larger entity that is made up of all of the power combined. We individually sort, filter, and direct that electricity through the circuits and in and out of the groups and organizations we belong to.

One faulty wire or a wire that is the wrong gauge attempting to flow the electricity through to something it is not meant for would get too hot, melt its own insulation, and start a fire. The source relying on that power would be incapacitated, and the entire electrical panel could be destroyed.

One person attempting to be or do something that he or she isn't made for will have the same effect on the whole. It could even be something as 'insignificant' as having a job that is hated. Being in an unhappy relationship, forcing yourself to reside within the limiting and uncomfortable boundaries of others, or living a life that feels unnatural - anything that restricts flow - will eventually cause a meltdown. The resulting fire will damage everything it touches, and the only difference will be the speed of ignition. Damage is damage; its impact ripples outward, affecting the whole. What's the basic difference between a broken leg and an ankle sprain? The time that it takes an injury to heal. It could take six days or six weeks, but the individual will still be unable to walk for a time.

We all draw from the same power source; that is our connection. We are each unique in our talents and abilities, and we work best when directing those talents and abilities towards enhancing the functionality of the combined groups we are wired to. The right wire to the right circuit.

Other people may be wired to the same panel, but each has their own specific purpose. Their sole responsibility is their own hook-ups and they do not dictate the positioning and purpose of the others; that is the job of the electrician, the one who can see the entire panel.

You are a live wire. Be you, whoever and whatever you are. Conduct your best qualities and skills towards empowering the world, ignoring the 'direction' of the other wires. You don't want to melt down.

As long as you are connected to the circuits you were created for, your impact will be positive.

My Dear Child, I’m Your Mother. What Makes You Think I Left You?

The bond between a mother and child is unbreakable. It doesn’t matter if the physical coming-together came by birth, or simply by the opening of arms to allow the child in – because neither of those is the actual beginning. The beginning is the soul agreement made in spirit. Long before either of us were born of Earth, we lived in spirit in a place of pure love. From that timeless space we were offered choices of experience of life in physical density. It was there that I chose to be your mother, just as you chose me.

However I acted here, if I was at my Earthly worst, I ask only that you understand I had committed to other agreements as well, and chose to honor them. My actions here on this plane, positive and negative, are separate from the Truth that my agreement to be your mother was a voluntary choice of love and love alone, from love and love alone.  Even at my physical best, I couldn’t fully access the level of love my spirit could hold. I can now. Now, with the purest love devoid of judgment, I watch you honor your own spirit-made agreements. I notice the special twists you put on them, especially when you make a conscious decision to improve on mine. That makes me smile.

I watch you mother others. You tell them of your love and that it will always be there for them. Do you believe that you are merely repeating a fairytale? Why, then, would you assume that my very same words to you implied a story that ends?

Physical life is a circle. We begin in eternal spirit, then loop around to eternal spirit again. Circles have no end. You, too, will follow that same loop around, back to where I am. Look at the clock, with the big hand and the little hand. That's you and I circling around continuously, sometimes close, sometimes a little further away - but always in that same circle, and always coming back to each other. 

Try to think about it this way: when you were little I took care of you, but there came a time when I had to let you go off on your own ... to school ... to work ... to adulthood ... to life. And I had to trust that it was the right thing to do. Later in time (as you know it to be), our roles were reversed. You became the nurturer, until it was time for you to let me go off on my own ... and you know what? You did the right thing. I'm fine. Actually, I'm more than fine ... I'm wonderful. I exist in, around, and of Universal Love.

You believe in love. You understand that love is something that can only be felt and not physically touched. How can you question my presence, then, simply because you cannot touch me? My touch may feel different now, but it is still there. It is there when you look in the mirror and see a glimpse of me. It is there when you turn your head to notice my favorite flower growing by the side of the road, or when you change the radio channel so you can hear a song that makes you think of me. Do you think those are random occurrences? Do you think I had nothing to do with them? Who told you to look that way? Who suggested you turn the dial? I send you these signs all the time; you just can’t see them because you are too busy looking down.

Please, dry your tears. There is no need to cry, for either of us. Pick your head up and look around; see me all around you. I am there - and I have always been. For you. That which you loved in me is in you. 

I'm not telling you to be patient, either. Patience is needed only if you are waiting for something. I am telling you I am still here with you; there is no need to 'wait' for anything. Enjoy life. Breathe.

Take advantage of the now moment. Know that when you think of me now, when you remember my laugh or my embrace, you are hearing it and feeling it once more. Now. Not 'remembering', but reliving. How have you lost anything when you can have it instantly with a thought?

Oh, Honey, how could you think I left you?

My dear child, I'm your mother.

And I am still here

With you.

I love you.

There is only one thing I want from you for Mother's Day, and you can still give it to me, even now. It is the same thing I wanted from you when I was here:

Your smile.

A Long-winded Opinion on Women's Sexuality and The Dress Code

Cher, Madonna, Beyonce, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Miley Cyrus … all obvious example of extreme ‘sexual presence’.  Both adored and hated by many. Argued over in nearly every type of social group, because they are examples of extreme behavior.

They shouldn’t dress like that. They are too young to be sexual (or, even better) they are too old. What kind of role models are they for our children?

Ladies, we need them. Like it or not.

Do you know why most little girls want two-piece bathing suits? Because it’s easier to go to the bathroom in them! You ladies know exactly what I’m talking about.  If they are told they can’t have one, the reason is usually something along the lines of “you’re too young for a bikini.” Too young for what? Too young to have others see that she's a girl? Are you going to tell her that?

My older daughter grew at a faster pace than most girls her age. Because of this, she was sent home from school more than once because of an outfit of hers that was deemed ‘inappropriate’ – even though all of the wardrobe guidelines in the school handbook were followed to the letter. Why? The answer I got from the vice principal was that her outfit “looked different on her” than it did on other girls in her class.

I guess that depends on your perspective, doesn’t it? Just how was her teacher looking at her? Is that her fault?

The bottom line is that anything can be taken as sexual, by anyone, at any time. And that is solely the responsibility of the observer, and not what he or she is looking at. It is time to stop giving girls the mixed signals about sexuality and sex, and the blame (and shame) for being female.

Let me tell you a secret: I happen to think that men's forearms can be sexy. Since I may or may not be a sexual deviant, and because I may not be the only one who thinks like this, wouldn't it be wise now to make sure all boys start wearing long-sleeved shirts?

The same people that told us that only women had to protect their own sexuality are the same ones who applaud Hollywood’s sexiest – that is, of course, if they are the right age. The boyfriend or husband who doesn’t want ‘his woman’ to dress a certain way is the same one ogling the girl in the tight skirt. The “gentlemen” of old, who would lay down their jackets over a puddle for a woman had wives and mistresses. The two men who would duel over a woman’s virtue were the two who were interested in getting a chance at taking it – duels were never fought over the honor of a woman the men didn’t know, or just women in general. The fact that we were never told to ‘sow our wild oats’ says a lot. Even in the 50’s, when a man stepped out on his wife, it was her fault. Alcoholism and abuse were not allowed to be spoken about. If a girl was raped, someone always said ‘she asked for it.’ A woman should go to her husband a virgin. If you terrorize people, you will win many virgins. Was a man ever told to worry about keeping his woman happy at home to make sure she didn’t stray?

Sexuality wasn’t something you were supposed to reveal, and sex wasn’t something you were supposed to like (unless you were a slut, of course); it was something you had to keep carefully guarded until the time was right to ‘gift’ it to someone who didn’t need to reciprocate in the same manner. For a long time we weren’t allowed any powers, voices, or freedoms – yet our sexuality would be used against us in justification of the thoughts and actions of others. “Women’s Issues” are now in politics, yet the majority of politicians are men. Birth control is a woman’s concern. The list goes on and on …

Social norms and religions make a big deal about it on one hand, and with the other hand they diminish it.

Nice rack, baby! How’d you like some fries to go with that shake? She’s just a woman. Plays like a girl. Is too emotional. She’s bossy. Penis envy, anyone? Women can’t lead churches.

Or be president … yet … unless she tries to play the “Woman Card” – wait! How many women presidents have we had?

(Silly Hill, The Donald only responds to a certain ‘woman card’!)

Sorry.

No. Not sorry. :)

Hell, the only reason any of us would even think to use sex as a weapon is because we grew up being told that it was an effective one.

In ‘The First Wives Club’ Goldie Hawn plays an actress in her mid-40’s, who is facing the end of her career due to her age. When her plastic surgeon suggests she play parts her own age she says, “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood – Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy.” That movie was made only 20 years ago in 1996, and that line was an apt summation.

It’s kind of ironic that Hollywood is the one place where women had the best opportunity to step out of the shadows and assume any kind of power, yet even there the battle for equality is still strong - and the first way a woman gets noticed is for her sexuality.

What this has done to us is to make us afraid for our daughters, attempting to curb their own exploration of body-consciousness and self-esteem by instilling in them that girls always have to worry about what and how other people are going to think about them. Only a mother would understand the torment of trying not to come out and say, “You can’t wear that because men might look at you the wrong way.” How do we raise girls that are brave, with a strong sense of self and positive self-esteem, if we instill the fears on them that we were brought up with that other people’s thoughts and actions are allowed to dictate their lives?

The worst of the fallout over women’s sexuality is the in-fighting that is happening between women. The social, familial, and religious imprinting of what is ‘proper’ for a woman is so generationally ingrained that many of us are unaware of how much we’ve bought what was sold to us. We then attack each other for breaking the unwritten laws of others that should have no bearing on how we live our lives. You aren’t beautiful unless you are a certain size and look a certain way. Self-expression, self-confidence, and self-esteem are not as important as what others think about you.

Sex and sexuality is a natural part of us, Ladies. We should be giving ourselves the permissions and respect of honoring what we were born with, however that may be, and give other women that same permission and respect as well. Many times that we criticize another woman’s outfit it is because:

·         We were sold a vision of how it was supposed to look and who was supposed to wear it, and how dare she attempt something that Macy’s says she’s not qualified for?

·         We are jealous – not because she ‘looks better’, but because we don’t have appreciation for our own body type. We envy her confidence more than her visual appearance.

·         We worry that she in that outfit could steal our man. (Forget that you are blaming her for the fact that your relationship is not stable.)

I hope you all noticed that none of these reasons had anything to do with why she should or shouldn’t have dressed like that.

Ladies, do you remember when you were younger and thought everything was possible for you? Even if your childhood was not rosy, didn’t you believe deep down inside that you would still win out in the end? Do you remember the joy in wearing an outfit you felt really good/beautiful/confident in?

Do you remember, too, if you were made to feel any shame in it? What did that do to you? If that happened to you, then you must be totally aware of the power you have over your own daughter’s self-view.

Every single group that has been under a forced oppression of any kind will usually reach a point where they fight back, and the weapons they use are those qualities or aspects of theirs that had been specifically denigrated.  And they will do so in a big way. How many jokes had there been many years ago about how easy Catholic school girls were outside of school? Or divorced women?

Why do women call each other ‘Bitches’? Part of any fight against being marginalized is to first take over the language and wording. A woman was called a bitch as an insult. Now, we have taken that word, mocked it, and made it our own. There is no power to it anymore. (Think about that; there are other words that have been appropriated for the same reason. It’s quite effective.)

The best way to fight anyone is to use their own words and weapons against them.

Another method is to take the unwanted thoughts, behaviors, and speech to the extreme. You may not want to be as overtly sexual as Beyonce, but she’s doing you a great favor by helping to desensitize the stigma against you being as sexual as you want to be.

I’m not condoning the fighting, either, I’m just pointing out the obvious. Race and gender rights … human rights … are being fought for. That really is a shame.  It would be nice to live in a world where we are all accepted for who we are, and allowed to shine as bright as we were meant to, however we feel we were meant to, without being told we were wrong for it. These battles are signs of people’s desire for that change to occur. Eventually, we will work our way back into love. I do believe that.

I'm sorry; I know you are a girl, but people mustn't be allowed to see you as a girl. Hey, Lady! Aren't you a little old to try to look like a girl?

Which is it? When is it okay to look like a girl, boobies and all?

Miley Cyrus and her dyed armpit hair. (That still kills me!). Cher and Madonna, daring to look sexy when they are old. Beyonce, making sexuality look like a normal trait of a strong woman. My goodness!

You go, girls! You've given us all a little more room to move freely around in.

You, too, ladies. Be who you are, who you want to be. Dress how you like. Enjoy sex. Know that other people’s opinions about you are their own problems, and their actions are their own responsibility.

I know of a few who would immediately argue the fact that there are bad people out there. Yes, there are people who operate out of negative thinking. However, we can acknowledge the existence of the negative without marginalizing ourselves and our actions in deference to them. Remember that by validating the thoughts and actions of others, we are feeding their power over us. In any area.

I’m sitting here drinking a delicious cup of coffee while I write this. I can name five people off the top of my head who disagree with the way I think, the way I act, the way I dress, and my views on sex.

And I still love them.

And my coffee still tastes delicious.

"And So Did They." (When the Universe Speaks)

Today, the Universe emailed a thought to me:

“And so did those who may have let you down.”

I love this.

So did they.

Have you ever listened to yourself when you are complaining about someone or something else?  I have. I spew a litany of, “I/we did/do this, this, this, this, this and all he/she/they did/do was that!’ A verbal scorecard of my own many great positives (interspersed with expletives, of course; it’s me I’m talking about), to compare with his/her/their great many negatives (and even better expletives).

I gave him the best years of my life …

I suffered through 19 hours of labor for her (without drugs!) …

We worked harder on this than they did …

Sound familiar?

I have to point out here, first, that anything we do for anyone, we do by choice.

This includes believing in someone, something, or what is said.  

(One good thing about thinking that way is that being able to reduce what we perceive to be a negative experience as a 'bad choice' on our part, rather than blaming someone else, allows us to still remain in control and not fall into the 'victim' thinking that gives our power away. We still hold our own.)

(Let that one percolate for a moment.)

This Note covers so much, in so few words. There are lessons in forgiveness, acceptance, perspective, equality … judgment and expectations.

When we feel let down by someone, our focus is only on our own self, and what we feel was done to us.

“I did my best.”

And so did they.

That’s quite an on/off switch, isn’t it? If we looked at it that way, and then tried to compile our scorecard, it would be a list of judgments in a way that said, “I am/do better than he/she/they.”

How many times have we also used the “I did my best” when we were called on for coming up short? When someone was disappointed in us, or when someone said we let them down?

And so did they.

Are we completely happy with everything we’ve ever done? Have we ever let someone else down?

Should we be forgiven for what we’ve done? Should we be accepted for who we are?

When we make a choice to work hard at something, believe in someone or something, is our choice based on expectation? Do we tryonly for gain? Being kind, nice, loving … are these things we do only for what we get in return? Or worse, to control someone else?

I have realized that the idea of acceptance of others goes much further than I had thought. The bottom line (so far) that I’ve come to is that I have to allow for others what I expect for/from myself.

I want to be forgiven if I’ve hurt someone. I have to forgive those that I feel have hurt me.

We are all human. I will admit that my best on some days is better than others. As I get older and learn more, that 'best' gets better. “They” might go through the same thing, don’t you think?

I want to live my life the way I want, having my own freedom of choice. Regarding others, I have to allow them that same freedom of choice, even if that includes not choosing what I say, think, believe … or not choosing me. 

After all, I've made choices like that, haven't I?

I know that my own actions are based on what I am feeling and how I believe. So are theirs.

I should always try to do my best. Always. (Do I? Not yet.)And I should do this just because I want to, and not for compensation.

(Keep in mind, being kind, nice, and loving is its own reward: it feels good.)

Because I know whatever happens, at the end of the day – whatever kind of day I’ve had – I’m going to say:

I did my best.

… and so will they.

***** I absolutely love getting these Notes. Every day they give me something to think about! Thank you, Dooley brothers! (www.Tut.com)

For the record, the Universe is ALWAYS speaking to me. Some times I just need an obvious method of delivery to listen! :)

Happy 3^rdAnniversary, 40-something Breck Girl Blog! Happy Anniversary to me!
3/20/13 – 3/20/16

"And So Did They." (When the Universe Speaks)

Today, the Universe emailed a thought to me:

“And so did those who may have let you down.”

I love this.

So did they.

Have you ever listened to yourself when you are complaining about someone or something else?  I have. I spew a litany of, “I/we did/do this, this, this, this, this and all he/she/they did/do was that!’ A verbal scorecard of my own many great positives (interspersed with expletives, of course; it’s me I’m talking about), to compare with his/her/their great many negatives (and even better expletives).

I gave him the best years of my life …

I suffered through 19 hours of labor for her (without drugs!) …

We worked harder on this than they did …

Sound familiar?

I have to point out here, first, that anything we do for anyone, we do by choice.

This includes believing in someone, something, or what is said.  

(One good thing about thinking that way is that being able to reduce what we perceive to be a negative experience as a 'bad choice' on our part, rather than blaming someone else, allows us to still remain in control and not fall into the 'victim' thinking that gives our power away. We still hold our own.)

(Let that one percolate for a moment.)

This Note covers so much, in so few words. There are lessons in forgiveness, acceptance, perspective, equality … judgment and expectations.

When we feel let down by someone, our focus is only on our own self, and what we feel was done to us.

“I did my best.”

And so did they.

That’s quite an on/off switch, isn’t it? If we looked at it that way, and then tried to compile our scorecard, it would be a list of judgments in a way that said, “I am/do better than he/she/they.”

How many times have we also used the “I did my best” when we were called on for coming up short? When someone was disappointed in us, or when someone said we let them down?

And so did they.

Are we completely happy with everything we’ve ever done? Have we ever let someone else down?

Should we be forgiven for what we’ve done? Should we be accepted for who we are?

When we make a choice to work hard at something, believe in someone or something, is our choice based on expectation? Do we try only for gain? Being kind, nice, loving … are these things we do only for what we get in return? Or worse, to control someone else?

I have realized that the idea of acceptance of others goes much further than I had thought. The bottom line (so far) that I’ve come to is that I have to allow for others what I expect for/from myself.

I want to be forgiven if I’ve hurt someone. I have to forgive those that I feel have hurt me.

We are all human. I will admit that my best on some days is better than others. As I get older and learn more, that 'best' gets better. “They” might go through the same thing, don’t you think?

I want to live my life the way I want, having my own freedom of choice. Regarding others, I have to allow them that same freedom of choice, even if that includes not choosing what I say, think, believe … or not choosing me. 

After all, I've made choices like that, haven't I?

I know that my own actions are based on what I am feeling and how I believe. So are theirs.

I should always try to do my best. Always. (Do I? Not yet.)And I should do this just because I want to, and not for compensation.

(Keep in mind, being kind, nice, and loving is its own reward: it feels good.)

Because I know whatever happens, at the end of the day – whatever kind of day I’ve had – I’m going to say:

I did my best.

… and so will they.

***** I absolutely love getting these Notes. Every day they give me something to think about! Thank you, Dooley brothers! (www.Tut.com)

For the record, the Universe is ALWAYS speaking to me. Some times I just need an obvious method of delivery to listen! :)

Happy 3^rd Anniversary, 40-something Breck Girl Blog! Happy Anniversary to me!
3/20/13 – 3/20/16